Discussing the difference between Listening, Analysing and Filtering.

I've been thinking about what it is to listen in conversation. Do I really listen to other people when they are sharing something with me, or do I filter and analyse instead. I suppose I should consider what these other two things are.

Filtering

"a porous device for removing impurities."

In the context of conversation, filtering is deciding if what we're hearing is right or wrong. Anything in the wrong category (the impurity category) gets filtered out.

Analysing

"examin[ing] methodically and in detail the constitution or structure of [something]."

Analysis is a great thing in science and engineering, and many other jobs. It gives us access to understanding, and in conversation it allows us to pull apart what someone is saying.

In conversation it is really easy to filter and analyse. It's a human default it seems: analyse someones intentions, filter what someone is saying deciding if we agree or disagree. And in a lot of situations it is great. At work analysis makes me the engineer I am. In a spiritual context filtering protects me from believing things that aren't consistent with my beliefs. But, every time we filter or analyse what we hear, we forfeit being truly present to what's being said.

When we're not present to what's being said, we:

• miss out on what's really being said


• open the doors to misinterpretation, hearing what we are expecting or want to hear


• create a substandard experience for the person speaking, by silently communicating we're not really listening.

Give listening a go. (For those who are married, making the distinction whether your listening or not makes a huge difference to your relationship.)